Monday, October 10, 2011
Afraid of failure
Yes, I am. Very much so. The odds are against me, I know. But something keeps propelling me to go through this process. I'm scared to death, I can't even lie. I'm at an age in my life where I can't afford to make too many mistakes. Mistakes are costly to the wallet and the self-esteem. One of my sister's once said (I have two), "dreams are over when you get old." How sad, but for so many over the age of 40, its true. We, resign ourselves to a life of quiet mediocrity and forget the dreams of our youth. When we're young it never occurs to us that our dreams might not come true, we just believe As we get older we go through our first disappointment, and another, and another and another until we "grow up" and we no longer dream. I told my daughter who is a 20 years old aspiring stylist taking a one year sabbatical in Hawaii that dreams are a lot of work. Having a dream isn't enough, sometimes having a dream is an extra 60 hours a week of work outside of the regular 9-5, it's money, energy and focus. No one hands you your dreams on a silver platter. All that being said, there are so many times when I question if I should continue down this journey or just do something easier but then I start writing. Last night I began my pre-edit on "senior year" the last edition of my series and the words flow like water. I'm so in my element and it feels so good and so right and I remember why I'm doing the hard part; because the easy part is a beautiful thing. I am a writer, that's what I do. I love words and I have the talent for finding just the right combination of words to make people laugh, cry, think and feel. That's the gift the universe gave me and so even though it sometimes terrifies me that my words will not reach the masses, the feelings that flow through me when I write give me just enough fuel to keep going.
Posted by Vici Howard at 7:07 AM